Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Englishman

Two scans down, two to go. 

I had my heart scan on Thursday and got a wicked bad poke by an absent-minded tech that is now a grisly murder scene on my inner arm. The tin and saline tasted just as bad as I remember from the last time, and hard to believe, but there seemed to be even more snoring old people in the nuclear med waiting room. Being radioactive knocks the stuffing out of you.

Friday was all about the CT scan and I was there 15 minutes early and done in less than 20 from start to finish. The poke was painless, I didn't have to drink the disgusting orange contrast cocktail and the tech took a moment to look at my chart and comment on how my diagnosis sucks the big one. Bonus points for the 80-year old in the waiting room who demanded to know where I got my hair cut. I reach a certain demographic and I accept that.

Tomorrow it's about dem bones and then April 1 I get my first PET scan in Vancouver, which has nothing to do with seeing something adorable like this:

But this post is really about the strange English boy I live with.

This lad, who figured he scored marrying a 30 year old when he was 40, is likely now thinking young chicks are nothing but false advertising. With one cancer diagnosis gone and buried, a near-death experience in the ICU and now another tumour taking over our lives, it's enough already.

But here's what I love about my boyfriend: he lets me say stupid shit like "when I was in my heart scan I started thinking that living another four years would be acceptable."

Instead of talk me out of such a stupid thought, or get disturbed or sad or angry or whip out the card of anyone but him to confide in about that garbage, he poured me another glass of wine and listened. And I didn't say it to get attention or a rise or test him. I truly had that thought and I knew he would take it as it was - just a momentary thought that speaks to all the death scenarios that run through a girl's mind when her cells are misbehaving again.

And this is love.

Oh, and this is love, too:

 When an Englishman clears out a big space in the garden to let you do whatever you want with it, it's like an Italian letting you put ketchup on your pasta. We all know I'll destroy everything that's good in that soil with my half-baked planting ideas, but for some reason, this boy believes it'll all somehow turn out okay.


  1. I'm sitting here in the dark, long after I should be asleep, playing solitaire on my high-tech thingy and I see that you have posted another blog. Because I love you and because I know that there will be days ahead that I will be doing this same thing, I make a mental note to go back at those times and read all these inspiring blogs you are already setting down for us to read. Of course you will have dark thoughts, it is inevitable ... but those are allowed. I, in my advancing age sometimes think about how long I will be the same person I am tonight ... or will I be someone's burden. Thank the goddesses we both have loving people around us that will help along the way. Count on me, Babe, because I am counting on you!

  2. and it will all turn out ok. your english boy is correct, positive and beside you all the way. love love love............what a winning combination. XO

  3. Oh sweety, the ruin that you may rain down upon that fertile plot in your backyard is but a mere blemish in the catastrophe that you suggested by allowing one to put ketchup on pasta. The horror!
    I love you. I'm thinking of you. I'm following you (your blog silly! But don't look out the window just now). And I have some salmon I'd love to bring over.
    Luv, your cuz

  4. I've always considered that, considering my age, I am really in the know about computers. However, I have tried to post three times on your blog and each time, I do something post. Every time, I've said the same. Carissa, love, I may not be wordy on the web, but I am always near and you can count on me. I love you and if I believed that prayers would make a diff, I'd be on my knees right now. In the meantime, I'll send you well wishes every day without fail. Love makes the world go round! You've got it coming and going!